It's been almost 3 months since I was ... let's say, "let go," because that sounds a lot nicer than "dumped" ... and I've maintained some contact with my ex during that time. Nothing major, because whenever I tried to ask questions to determine where I went wrong, I would get yelled at. Baby steps.
My first full weekend back, I had bought a card for his sister, who graduated from college, so I went over the house to drop it off. I wasn't expecting to stay, just long enough to say hi. Instead, I stayed for an hour and a half BSing with him and his parents, like nothing had ever happened. It was certainly nice, but it was bizarre. (I even got a hug. It was the world's most awkward hug, but dammit, a hug is a hug.)
Today, as a proper science person, he had his telescope out at a local beach to try and catch some of the Venus transit (sadly, it was too cloudy to see the sun). He posted a general "anyone interested is welcome to join" on Facebook, so I asked and he said sure, reminding me that the other one would be there too. This was expected, though I knew she was only there because of him and not the science, but I was a good ex and decided to face the facts once and for all.
Baaaaad idea. Even though it has been almost three months, it's still awkward to see your ex and hang out and not be able to do BF/GF things. It's even more awkward when you're there with him and his other (and now only) girlfriend. Man, third wheeling sucks. And it's super awkward when the other one approaches you, tells you your mutual friend told her that you don't like her (which should've been obvious considering what happened) and that despite that, she wants to be friends again.
I consider myself to be a (mostly) nice person. I forgave my ex for what he did. I'm still friends with him. And I haven't socked his current for more or less making him can me. So it was really difficult to try to explain why I didn't like her without offending her. The reason why I haven't lashed out like I've kinda been wanting to is because I don't want to lose what little bit I have of connection with him, plus I'd like to stay friends with our mutual friend as well.
However, I don't think I'm ready just yet to give her a second chance. Over the course of our acquaintanceship, I've found her varying levels of obnoxious and have dealt with it accordingly. Our friendship was tanking before the polyamory bullshit started (though it was partly because she was flirting with my ex). In addition, a pretty significant part of why I don't like her is because she always gets her way, and pretending like nothing ever happened would be feeding that.
So basically I'm stuck between looking like an asshole by holding my own and contributing to her wants by being nice.
I want to go back to school...